...but Toto is set for life. Look gang,
another NO FRUIT CUP Award so soon! The late Leona Hemsley, who in death seems
to be as mean, selfish and rightious as in so-called life, left a $12 million
dollar trust fund for her dog, Trouble. HER DOG?!?!?!
Now, I'm a pet owner. And I love my cat
more than some industry producers I know, but I wouldn't leave her a trust
fund!!! Perhaps, I don't know, I'd set up a trust fund (in Athena's name, of
course) at a major university for schorships in the arts and sciences. Here's
another one, re-build the 9th Ward in New Orleans, or perhaps some money and
food (and housing, Leona?)flood relief for the folks drenched in the
Mid West. But, oh no, not the stupidly rich and personally vindictive. (now in
case you think I'm bangin' on the idly rich, the current queen of decomposition
once said, "only the little people pay taxes.")
Helmsley stated in her will. " I direct
that when my dog, Trouble, dies, her remains shall be buried next to my remains
in the Helmsley mausoleum." (Okay, a little creepy, not a waste of money,
perhaps taking this "All Dogs Go To Heaven" thing a tad too seriously) The
mausoleum, she ordered, must be "washed or steam-cleaned at least once a year."
She left behind $3 million for the upkeep of her final resting place in
Westchester County, where she is buried with her husband, Harry Helmsley.
(another from the Schaffer Circle of Winners) Come kids, love you pets with all
your heart, but don't leave any money to them! Want to help animals when you're
dead and gone, there's hundreds of worthy animal rights and protection groups
that could use the help.
$3 Million to steam clean the mausoleum.
(read it again, I dare you) Now, think how long it took to pay off that student
loan. Or that over-priced apartment you had to share just to live in the Big
City when you left school. How about those men and women, sleeping in
doorways, eating from the trash and now dying from the heat wave. Gee, they could
use a place to live and eat. Ah, screw 'em. It least Trouble will smell like Mr.
Clean throughout eternity.
So, with no further ado, I give you, the soon to be steam cleaned
Leona Helmsley ,The Queen of Mean and Selfish, today's NO FRUIT CUP Award
recipient. Hey, Leona, it could be
worse. You could be one of your grandkids who got zippo in your will.
Welcome to the NO FRUIT CUP Award, given henceforth by yours truly.
It will be awarded to those individuals, groups, corporations, cults and reality
shows that personify exactly what you need to get by in this world: chicanery,
mis-direction, theatrics, denial, canoles, greed and not playing nice with
others. Nay, nay, in this world, you
get points for authenticity and compassion, not hubris and entitlement. You
bring something to the table, you get something. No play nice, no fruit cup! (dinner
is served promptly at eight, Nurse Diesel fans) I hope to find and bring to
light the ongoing escapades of these social jesters and financial miscreants in
the field of business, entertainment, sports, food, everywhere!
This week’s award goes to our friends at Embassy Suites, who
in a recent commercial proclaimed they had a “Complimentary Made-to-Order
Breakfast.” Really?!?!? Holy Emmenthaler, Batman! "Those other “crappy” hotels,
they’ve been over charging us for years for made-to-order food. I coulda
ordered it they way they make, and
save lots of cash!!!” Come on, isn’t the whole concept of a restaurant is, “we
will give you choices, then tell us how you like it!
Look, I’m not the first scribe to wail about truth in
advertising, but really, ES, this is
the best R&D can come up with to
get our business and vacation dollars, “we’ll cook the food they way you like
it?!?! Please no whining about how they mean it’s not a buffet. If you want a
review, go to Zagat’s! You’d get my attention if an advert said “Hey, We Like Making Breakfast. Are You
Hungry?” Wow. Honest. Primal. I bet
you then the next time you saw the words Embassy Suites you’ll think “they make
a great breakfast”. You may even tell someone about it.
We don’t mind being sold, but we don’t like being fooled. Telling
us “made-to-order” is free is like saying “enjoy our free Napa Valley air with every California wine we
open!” Don’t get me wrong. Please partake in breakfast while staying for business
or pleasure at a lovely Embassy Suites. Just make sure it’s made to order!
Check the bill if you’re not sure…
** ed. note - The spirit of the NO FRUIT CUP AWARD is truth
swaddled in the blanket of humor. It is by laughing at ourselves that we only can
truly affect everlasting changes in behavior. I am by no means am attempting to
attack anyone or group personally. Unless they’re really, really off the charts
stupid or lying. Then, they’re meat
Listen to my advice. If you don't want to lose hours of your day to inane (yet fun) web sites, don't download the Stumble Upon toolbar. Of course, if you want to find about great/cool/bizarre (your choice, based on topical interests) sites, then do it. I've had it for a few years, and the stuff I've found never ceases to amaze me.
Like this one. Requires some interactivity (press a button - I like A, then type the keyboard to the music).
Thanks to whomever created this. Just wasted at least 1/2 hour dancing away.